The Vacation Outtakes
I was recently asked by a friend how Matt and I manage to look so put together on vacation. "Your photos are always so good," she said. "You never have hat hair or suntan lines around your eyes where you forgot to take your sunglasses off. You never have cheese on your chin after eating one of those messy burgers or mascara smeared under your eyes after you've gone for a swim. It's not fair."
Well, the answer is simple, people.
I take about 150 photos a day on vacation. I share about 10 of them.
The 10 good ones.
That leaves about 140 pictures a day that are, well, not so good.
So, in fairness to bad vacation photos everywhere....I give you "The Outtakes: The Good, the Bad, and the Just Plain Ugly," just to prove that bad photos happen to everyone.
1) The "Mid-Bite" Shot
I'd say the most common problem Matt and I have that results in bad vacation photos is what I refer to as the "mid-bite shot." We have a tendency to take photos of each other just as the other person is trying to eat something particularly awkward. This approach doesn't work well when the other party is eating something simple and neat, like a piece of bread or a bowl of soup. No, you need a corndog or something with stretchy cheese, something that you know is going to result in eating awkwardness at its best. My personal favorite is to get a shot of Matt when he's just taken a huge bite and his cheeks are so distended he it looks some sort of deranged hamster storing up for winter.
2) The "I don't know what a napkin is for" Shot
Matt seems to get an inordinate number of photos of me licking crap off off myself. Apparently, we either vacation in too many places that don't offer basic amenities, like napkins, or I simply have very poor table manners.
3) The "This Looked Cool in My Head" Shot
You all know what I am talking about. The photo where you do something that seemed cute/clever/cool at the time, but in reality, just looked plain stupid. And then there it is, your stupidity preserved forever.
4) The "Wait....I Wasn't Ready" Shot
It happens all the time - you're gearing up to take a photo and just before you snap, the other person starts talking, or blinks, or moves. Sometimes, this results in a blur, but sometimes, it just results in a really bad photo.
5) The "I Simply Don't Have Control of My Face" Shot
What can I say? Sometimes, you just look stupid for no reason.
6) The "Is There Something You Are Not Telling Me?" Shot
I think these speak for themselves.
"No, dear. You're hat is not on backwards and your tag is not sticking out."
"No, dear. There is nothing behind you. Just smile so I can get this photo."
"Yes, sweetie. You got all that sunscreen rubbed in just fine."
7) The "I Don't Have Control of My Body" Shot
I don't know what it is. I want to be graceful. I want to move with ease and confidence. I want to be elegant and refined.
I'm just not.
The truth is that I am very awkward. I am clumsy. When I move, I am all sharp angles. It's like I have 4 elbows and 7 knees and I end up looking like some kind of mutant praying mantis.
These photos clearly demonstrate why I will never be on the cover of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition.
8) The "Are You Going to the Movies?" Shot
When I was a little girl, I'd be trying to discreetly dislodge my underwear from the crack of my behind when I'd hear my Dad say, "Are you going to the movies?" When I'd answer "no," he'd laugh and say, "Then why are you picking your seat?"
Apparently, I have had a problem with wedgies my whole life.
9) The "I'm Pretty Sure I'm About to Hurl" Shot
These photos are evidence that my husband and I are more concerned about photographing the other's discomfort than we are about doing something to help.
I never said we were nice.
10) The "Old People Can't Dance" Shot
Why, why, why do we do it?
Stay tuned folks. The winter stretch is almost over and spring travel will soon begin!!
Join me in the upcoming months as we take a long weekend in the Abacos, go sailing through the Exumas on a catamaran, and jet down to the Turks & Caicos!
See you soon!