The New “F” Word: Turning 50 in Love City

Did I tell you I turned 50 while I was on my blog hiatus?

Yes….2020 was certainly a fun year. We rebuilt from Hurricane Dorian with no electricity or running water. We came home in the middle of a pandemic. And then I turned 50.

I’m not sure which part was the most fun.

Long before hurricanes and pandemics, I had planned my 50th birthday to be on Guana Cay. We had rented a much larger house than ours and had invited the usual suspects.

Then….a category 23 hurricane hit our island dead center. Apparently, that wasn’t sufficient devastation enough, so the hurricane decided to sit on top of the island and pummel it with 185 mph winds for 48 HOURS.

I had to scrap that plan. We would not be vacationing in the Abacos by July. Heck, we would not be flushing toilets without a generator in the Abacos by July.

Plan B. I decided to spend my 50th in the B.V.I., so I rented a lovely place on Mahoe Bay on Virgin Gorda.

Then….Covid.

The B.V.I. closed.

I had to scrap that plan.

I had taken this as a sign from God that I was not supposed to travel for my birthday and had no intention of a Plan C lest I conjure up Armageddon. I decided Matt and I would spend my 50th birthday quarantined at home, sharing one roll of toilet paper, binge watching Tiger King, and drinking canned “to go” margaritas from our favorite Mexican restaurant.

Then ….the U.S.V.I. announced it would open up to visitors on June 1.

Before we discovered Abaco, St. John was our place. We went at least once a year, sometimes twice, for over 10 years. However, we hadn’t been back since 2014.

Dare we try? Or was the birthday trip simply doomed?

If I tried again, would I cause the Caribbean to be consumed by a plague of locusts, shut down the world power grid, cause the sun to go dark?

I stood in the kitchen making breakfast on the 2,387th day of quarantine and I absolutely could not remember what day it was. Was it Tuesday or Friday? Was it just yesterday that I cut my own hair or was that last week? I realized we had been stuck living a ground hog day existence, with each day merging into the next and with little to look forward to. All of us were immobilized at home, day after day, rationing toilet paper in a Zoom hell.

We called the crew and booked a trip to St. John.

At the risk of summoning a zombie apocalypse…we were doing the damn thing.

Day 1: Mask Up!

Our group of 14 became a group of 12…became a group of 10….became a group of 8…as everyone got their pre-travel Covid tests and some didn’t make it.

For the rest of us, it was masks up and time to fly.

We arrived on time, grabbed 2 Jeeps at the airport, and headed for Red Hook.

To ensure we didn’t break from tradition, we all got lei’d at Duffy’s before boarding the ferry to St. John.

We picked up our grocery order at Starfish Market and headed up the beautifully winding North Shore Road to our villa in Peter Bay.

Villa La Susa was a magnificent villa in lower Peter Bay and completely made me forget I was getting older by the minute.

Day 2: Slowing Our A$$es Down

We were finally on island time and, after 5 months of the pandemic, everyone was ready for some R&R.

But first….mimosas! (and Bloody Marys, of course!)

We started the day at Maho. Maho was always my favorite beach, but I had not been since Hurricane Irma had blown through in 2017. I was so sad to see the beautiful leaning palms were gone and the beach almost didn’t even resemble what it had been “back in the day.”

(Note to self: saying things like “back in the day” makes you sound 50…)

I also wasn’t sure what to think of the new “Maho Crossroads” across the street. While loungers and food trucks and bars are nice…I missed the natural beauty of the old Maho.

Nothing a few rum punches couldn’t cure.

We needed the old St. John…so we headed to a place that never changes….Skinny Legs! It was still all stinky bathroom, no French fries, no frozen drinks, and “feed the chickens at your own risk,” while eating a juicy burger and sipping a cold coconut swizzle.

I’m glad some things never change.

That evening, we headed into Cruz Bay thinking we would have dinner at Longboard. Unfortunately, everyone else had the same thought. Rather than wait an hour, we headed over to Woody's for boozy drinks and tacos.

Day 3: Getting a Little Trunk

There was no better way to start each day than with morning cocktails and the view from the villa before heading to the “beach of the day.”

Today’s beach was Trunk Bay. Maybe some think it is overrated, but I still think it’s the most beautiful beach on the island.

I wanted to share it with our friends who had never been, so we packed up coolers and chairs and headed to the beach to get a little trunk!

If you drink in the sun, you can get toasted 2 ways!

After the beach, we headed to Gringos for a proper tacos and tequila lunch.

That evening, we planned to do the “birthday dinner,” even though my actual birthday was still 4 days away. The rest of the group was leaving before the big day, so we were celebrating early.

In the cursed summer of 2020, Cruz Bay restaurants were doing what they could to allow visitors. That meant we weren’t all allowed to sit at the same table and we had to use disposable dishes and cutlery.

While paper plates were absolutely antithetical to the whole notion of “fine dining,” we just felt lucky to be there and didn’t mind, even when trying to cut a thick, juicy steak with a flimsy plastic knife that snapped in two within 9 seconds. Unless you wanted to become a stealthy BYOKer (bring your own knife) at the risk of angering the Silverware Sergeant, it's just the way things were that weird summer.

We wanted a nice dinner where we could use real forks and plates, so that meant dinner at the villa. I had arranged for Sam & Jack’s to make us a dinner to go along with a cake so that we could enjoy at least one dinner at the same table.

I should mention here that I am THAT friend.

I’m the friend that makes everyone wear sequins to the hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant because I think it will be festive. I’m the friend that buys matching t-shirts and hats for everyone when we go on a road trip. I’m the friend that gets too excited about birthdays and insists that everybody dress up in matching outfits, buy costumes, and/or apply face paint, depending.

I’m very lucky to have friends that let me be THAT friend.

We dressed up. We drank champagne. We ate cake.

We used real forks.

I couldn’t have asked for a better birthday dinner.

Day 4: Honeymoons Aren’t Just for Newlyweds

Honeymoon Beach used to be one of the most secluded beaches on the island. You can’t see it from the road and the only way to get there was to make a steep and dirty trek 250 feet straight down on the Lind Point Trail or walk 30 minutes in the hot sun from the Caneel Bay parking lot. Both options included lugging your beach chairs, cooler, and gear with you.

The reward, however, was blessed solitude.

At least until the “cattlemarans” showed up from St. Thomas, dumping hundreds of over-eager, yellow vested bobbers into the clear, shallow water, because the only other way to arrive was by boat. The good news was that they only got to linger for a short while before the bull horn sounded, rounding them all back up to head somewhere else.

I remember one time when Matt and I had made the hot and sweaty walk from Caneel Bay with chairs, cooler, towels, bags, lunch….We were the only ones there. We set our chairs up, put our towels in them, and headed out to snorkel. While we were snorkeling, the yellow-vesters showed up, bobbing around loudly, standing on the coral. To avoid getting head-whacked by flailing flippers, we decided to finish our snorkel once they were gone. We headed into the beach only to find two portly yellow-vesters plopped in our chairs…wet…on our towels.

They had the nerve to look at us and say, “Well, we just thought these chairs were here.”

I remember Matt responding, “Really? Who do you think brought them? The Chair Fairy?”

Ahhhh….the good old days.

(Note to self: saying things like “the good old days” makes you sound 50…)

Now, you can get a luxurious shuttle to drive you to Honeymoon Beach where it will deposit you gently at your private cabana with sofas, loungers, towels, floats, hammocks, and food and drinks at nearby Bikinis Bar and Grill.

It made me sad.

However, if they were going to litter this pristine beach with cabanas and such, we might as well take advantage of it. We spent the day lounging in style and sipping cold drinks from the nearby bar. It was a far cry from the “olden days” of drinking lukewarm rum punch from a cooler filled with quickly melting ice while eating a soggy tuna sandwich, but I still missed what this place used to be. Those seeing Honeymoon and Maho for the first time will never know what they missed.

What I would have given to have been laying in the sand, just me and Matt, eating a soggy tuna sandwich.

After down time and pool time, we enjoyed a lovely dinner at Lime Inn who said “to heck with disposable dishes” and served us on real live plates.

Day 5: Going Out With a Bang

Today was the final day for the group. Matt and I had opted to spend a few extra days, including my actual birthday, after the rest of the group headed home. We were going to stay in our favorite villa, Sunnyledge. We spent so many vacations at Sunnyledge, it felt like home, and unlike Villa La Susa, we would not be required to sell plasma to afford a few extra days.

We couldn’t let our friends leave without taking them to Francis Bay.

Francis might not be the most glamorous of the North Shore beaches, but it had always been a favorite. Sitting on the far end, it never seemed to get as much action as its flashy sisters like Maho and Trunk.

After spending a few days on the “new and improved” (and crowded!) North Shore beaches, that suited us just fine.

We did the “beach thing” for a while and then took the crew for a drive over to Coral Bay and out the east end, wrapping back around to Cruz Bay.

Lunch and drinks were at the Beach Bar. I needed to see if they still had the “Tuna Down Now,” and if it was just as good as always.

They did and it was.

If you followed along on Matt’s 50th birthday on Jost Van Dyke, you know that we can’t celebrate a milestone birthday without at least one proper throw down, particularly a themed one.

My friends didn’t let me down. It was an 80s themed blow out to celebrate our last night together.

Day 6: I Think We’re Alone Now

It was the last day of my 40s and it was time for all of our friends to head home. We all got packed to move out of Villa La Susa.

Our friends were onto the ferry and headed to the airport, and Matt and I headed to Sunnyledge.

We found this villa many, many, many trips to St. John ago and it remained our favorite. What better place to turn 50?

It was still the most perfect villa.

We had half a day to kill, so we headed out to the beach.

We cleaned up and headed to our favorite restaurant for dinner…Morgan’s Mango.

Guess what they had?

The Silverware Sergeant had struck again.

Day 7: It Came In Like a Wrecking Ball

I fully expected my 50th birthday to be an EVENT….but maybe in a different sense.

We awoke to find out a Tropical Cyclone was headed our way. The last ferry of the day left at 11:00 a.m., all ports closed at noon, government offices closed at 1:00 p.m., a mandatory curfew was called for that evening, and the National Guard was on standby.

Welcome to 50!

Seriously….as far as 2020 went….this was just par for the course.

We ran to Cruz Bay for drinks and lunch before everything shut down.

The rest of my 50th birthday was spent at Sunnyledge, day drinking and taking bets on which trees would break, singing karaoke, and making dinner out of the only food we had….meatless spaghetti and crinkle fries.

At least there was cake.

Day 8: No News is Good News

The curfew lifted at noon. The skies had cleared.

We lounged lazily on Gibney/Oppenheimer, doing a whole lot of nothing, thankful the storms had passed.

We finally got to eat at Longboard. It did not disappoint!

This extremely pleasant and blessedly uneventful day ended with a lovely dinner at Extra Virgin.

Day 9: Taking the Midnight Express

It was our very last day. 2020 had been a doozy. My 50th birthday had been a doozy. Why not let our last day be a doozy too?

Midnight Sun Boat Charters was taking us out on one of their beautiful Midnight Express boats.

We started off the day with a little snorkeling and some beach time.

“What would you like to see next?” we were asked, as we dried off.

“We can take you to Maho to swim with the turtles. We can cruise along the North Shore for some sight-seeing. We can look for marine life. We can take you to the floating taco bar….”

Stop.

You had me at floating taco bar.

Really, you had me at “taco,” but floating is cool too.

Lime Out VI is a taco bar that operates from a pontoon boat anchored on St. John’s remote east end.

We were dropped off by our boat onto a round float. Shortly after, a server came out on the floating dock and pushed a floating tray to us with the menu, took our order, and, before we knew it, drinks and tacos floated out like magic.

Why would you want to sit in the water and eat tacos, you ask?

I don’t know, but you do and it’s amazing.

Remember all those things your mom told you not to do? Don’t talk with food in your mouth. Don’t run in the house. Don’t eat on the couch. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t blow bubbles in your milk. Don’t put things in your nose. Don’t put gum in your brother’s hair.

I’m pretty sure she would have also vetoed eating dinner in the water.

It’s like doing something you aren’t supposed to do and it’s flipping awesome.

You can get buzzed, get full, and get prune fingers all at once.

We ended the day with Matt climbing a giant cliff and jumping off because…well….men.

Day 9: The Best Journey Takes You Home

My 50th birthday trip hadn’t been exactly what I thought it would be when I started planning it years before. It wasn’t what I thought it would be when I was finalizing plans only weeks before. It wasn’t what I thought it would be the day I arrived on St. John.

But it was everything.

“Fifty” is the new “F” word……and that word is “Fabulous!”